


She's Not Made of Candy

by if_i_mae



Series: Watching Over You [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: (past) Terezi Pyrope/Gamzee Makara, Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Angst, College Setting, F/M, Guardian Angel Jade, Guardian Angel John, Suicide mention, suicide TW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 18:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15846981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/if_i_mae/pseuds/if_i_mae
Summary: John gets the privilege to earn his seat in Heaven by watching over a troll girl he is only too familiar with. What all could go wrong on his first day?





	She's Not Made of Candy

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the song: Candy by Robbie Williams. Except it got sad.

“This is all you’ve ever wanted, why the frown?”

John Egbert had just finished skimming through the profile for his ‘charge’. Nothing about this was what he ever wanted. Nobody wanted this ever in the history of human existence. He is one hundred percent positive of this.

“This girl got me killed,” he deadpans to his new boss. His boss pushes down the files in John’s hands so that he has to pay attention to their ever glowing neon, vomit-inducing appearance.

“Read the file closer. This girl, surprise surprise, is a saint in the making. Maybe be grateful?”

John raises his eyebrows, but lowers his eyes. If only to avoid the strobing effect of his new higher-up.

Terezi Pyrope’s whole life from beginning to now is paraphrased with bullet points in his new files. Pictures of her acquaintances and friends highlight certain sections. John even finds himself in the file, reading his death as ‘sacrificial’. No soft way to call someone a sheep for the slaughtering.

 Skimming further ahead, he sees that she’s studying in law school. These skills will make tsunami waves through the judicial system when she makes to protect the rights for both trolls and humans. John can’t even begin to comprehend where that prediction came from, since the Terezi he knew was a massive bitch.

“This can’t be the same person,” John says, still looking through the files. His boss leans back against their desk, probably pretty done with him by now.

“You know, most people are just happy to not be permanently erased from existence. Why can’t you just be happy, Egbert? Being a guardian angel is a privilege.”

John looks up to frown at them, “Whoever is the one in charge of predicting people’s futures is wrong.”

“Shall I call Him up for you?” 

*

John gets a new set of clothes to replace his death-moment clothes on the way out. A green suit to go along with his new halo.

Terezi is a friend of John’s friend, which John is immediately peeved to find out didn’t change after his sacrificial death yesterday. He finds the pair of them in Dave’s apartment, cuddled up and snoring on the couch.

At least they look like a pair of train wrecks. Their glasses are thrown off to the side, blue tear tracks and smudges stain Terezi’s face, and Dave’s nose runs snot every time he exhales. Their clothes are disheveled, a box of opened Kleenexes next to them speak to their activity last night.

John sits there in his best bro’s living room just looking around. Last night was a mess, but he didn’t have a clue what happened outside of what happened to _him_ specifically. John can’t even remember much of it since he was close to blackout drunk last night. Never a good start.

Something happened though where he agreed to do some dumb thing for Terezi. It was always some dumb thing with her. She’s always fucking with him. Somehow he got kicked out of the bar, and they were all on the street. That’s where it went down.

John had woke up in a puddle of his own blood, car fumes surrounding him. There was fire everywhere and it really freaked him out until he found out that everything fazed through him. Then he was only calmed down mildly. That’s when Boss Glowturd came down from the Heavens, literally, to sweep him off his feet.

Terezi doesn’t meet Dave’s eyes when they wake up. John watches as she picks up her stuff and doesn’t even say goodbye. She just walks off. John sticks around just a beat longer to see Dave collapse into his hands, rubbing his face. John wished he hadn’t stuck around that extra beat.

*

Terezi doesn’t go home, but to a class she apparently has today. Along the way, John realizes that no one has really given him the low down on how his is supposed to protect this very tangible person from other very tangible threats. Of course, there has to be a way. God wouldn’t send Heaven will-bes off to do an impossible choir right? Right?

The whole walk to class, Terezi has her earbuds in and her tongue occasionally licking the screen of the phone in her hand. Several times she made close calls with the crosswalks, making John’s heart race. He doesn’t like this girl, but he can’t let her die on his first day! What would his boss say? What would God say?

Up ahead there is a young boy racing along on his bicycle. A piece of paper flies out of the boy’s backpack, looking like it would hit Terezi square in the face. In a vain attempt to try to impact the physical world, John throws his hand out to stop the paper. A gush of wind blows under Terezi’s face, making her stop short in confusion. The paper flies up in the air. Wondering where the air had came from, Terezi looks around with a crinkled face. John laughs.

*

Law school is super boring. John decides this not even two minutes into the lectures. Fiddling around in his empty seat, he wonders if he can ever leave his charge. What could go wrong in a lecture hall? His mind suddenly fills with some admittedly paranoid ideas of all of the bad things that can happen while on campus grounds. Groaning, he falls back into his seat in annoyance.

Terezi looks up, like she might have heard something. John stills, a wild thought passing that she might have heard him. Sitting right next to her, he can see behind Terezi’s glasses. Her eyes tear up and she looks down at her notes in a hurry. She snuffles some snot before she focuses back on what the lecturer is saying. John isn’t sure what to think.

*

Terezi ends up heading back to Dave’s apartment for some reason. She’s texting again, making John super concerned since she really isn’t paying attention to anyone around her. He even tries to shove her to the left when she accidentally steps right into a huge puddle. The pressure on her clothes isn’t enough to catch her attention though and she walked right into it, splashing water up her pant legs.

There’s a park halfway between Dave’s apartment and the class Terezi just went to. She stops by there to meet up with Dave’s older brother apparently. Dirk’s got a tray of coffees, of one he offers to her. He gives her a nod, which she returns with her own nod before leaving the park again. John notices that Dirk gets up, presumably to take the coffees somewhere else.

At Dave’s apartment, Terezi doesn’t even knock before she pushes the door open. Inside, the first thing that catches John’s eye is the surprise that is his younger cousin. Who had died at least five years ago? Jade Harley, equipped with her own halo and a pretty galaxy dress, sits peacefully at the kitchen island before she sees John. She smiles when he does, and they run to each other to hug each other.

“I’m so happy for you, John! I was so worried!”

“Hahaha, thanks I guess. I’m glad you didn’t go to hell either. So you’re watching over someone too?” John asks, looking at the people in the room. Dave is at his finger drumming machine, mashing something out. Meanwhile, Terezi is sitting down heavily next to Karkat, who must have been here for awhile.

Kakart’s sitting up from his laid back position on the couch, putting his mushy novel to the side. He looks pretty concerned: the way he always does when things are pretty serious. John feels a little nauseous knowing that he’s the one that’s made everyone around him so serious. He never wanted that!

 “I’m Dave’s guardian angel. He normally sticks to the apartment, so he’s pretty safe to leave alone. Shh, don’t tell boss,” Jade adds with a wink.

John’s eyebrows raise, “Wow, so have you been here with him the whole time? That’s crazy!”

“Yeah,” Jade says with a sad smile, “Sorry for all the grief. I never thought it’d end that way, but…” she trails off with a shrug, “stuff happens.”

“You’re telling me! It was just supposed to be a good night out. Now it’s just…” John waves vaguely at their friends. “It’s all wrong.”

“Yeah, it is,” Jade says sympathetically, eyes glancing over their friends, “But it’ll get better for them then. It always does.”

“So is there an angel for everyone then?” John asks with a frown, looking around, “I’ve only seen one or two other guardian angels all day. Is there someone who watches over Karkat? What about Rose and Roxy?”

Jade shrugs, “Some people get a personal guardian angel, but most angels actually get a list of people they have to watch. They swap them around with other angels, with shifts and everything. It’s only…certain people that get personal angels.”

John raises his eyebrows, “They said Terezi was gonna do some humane work or something. Become a saint. Do saint wannabes get that kind of special treatment? You know?”

Jade frowns, “No, I don’t think it’s like that actually,” Jade frowns harder, shifting her standing balance, “I mean, that could be part of it. But I’ve kept Dave as a lifetime gig because he was a high-risk client. Guess he still is, no one has told me otherwise…”

“What do you mean ‘high risk’?”

“Well…” Jade sighs, and starts heading over to the island again, “I don’t want to dig up all of Dave’s old business. That isn’t my place to tell you. But let’s just say that I had to influence a lot of Dave’s environment when I first got him! And since then, there were plenty of things that could have killed him, or would have if I hadn’t intervened. After high school, things have been easier. That’s all.” Jade shifts her butt up onto the island’s top, then gives John a sad face. He frowns back at her.

“Sounds like you’ve been super busy then.”

She shrugs back in return. Then she frowns, “So has TZ been high risk? She’s around a lot, so I can’t imagine what could bring her down. Girl’s a tank, just keeps going.”

“Yeah, no not much yet. Tried to get her to not step into a puddle, but she walked right into it anyway like a bozo!”

This makes Jade laugh, “Yeah! Oh, physically getting Dave to do something is always hard. You can’t shove him enough to ever move. I don’t know what he thinks when I do that. Sometimes he does what I want, so it must do something, right?”

“Maybe?” John says, just as confused as Jade, “Or maybe you and Dave just both agree on what Daves should typically be doing?”

Jade laughs again, “Maybe!”

“Ugh!” Terezi yells, catching their attention, “I can’t take this anymore, Karkat! I’m fine, why can’t we just talk about anything else!”

“It’s important to process your grief safely with your friends, asswipe!” Karkat yells back, but Terezi’s getting up and walking toward the doors.

“I don’t have anything to ‘process’. John was Dave’s friend, talk to HIM about it. I’m out!” She slams the door behind her, making everyone wince.

“Guess that’s my queue,” John says sheepishly.

*

Terezi is fuming when she’s back on the streets, but at least she isn’t slobbering her phone anymore. Every moment that girl’s tongue stays in her mouth, John considers it a godsend.

Instead, they start walking towards the campus again. Maybe to Terezi’s dorm? John isn’t really sure. Terezi makes a side step though into the alleyway before they can get too far through the campus, so John naturally follows. He’s pretty fine with it until she stops at a door covered in dirt and grim. She looks back down the alleyway before knocking.

This is going from manageable to terrifying.

A troll that John isn’t familiar with opens the door. He’s massive with massive hair and his lips are sewn shut just to pull together that really scary first impression. John doesn’t want Terezi to take even one more step, but the guy moves to the side to let her in. She takes that one more step in. 

It’s a grudgy home with low lights inside and the kitchen is the first place they see. Some pie pans are in the oven, how bad could this place be? John’s dad makes pies. Sometimes.

They bypass the kitchen to go upstairs, but the big guy doesn’t follow them thankfully. Instead, Terezi opens a random door upstairs to reveal a troll who is spacing out in a pile of horns. John notices that his recooperoonie doesn’t have that slime in it. Weird.

There’s a bunch of Faygo bottles littering the ground, some empty some full. Terezi picks up a full one lazily before falling into the pile with the stranger.

“Hey, my once-upon sistar and motherfucking pailmate. How’s it been going? Heard you got off the motherfucking trip-pan. What are you all doing up in here?”

“What happened to you not dipping into the slime anymore?” Terezi sneers, eyeing up the other troll’s laid out form.

He shrugs, “Decided it wasn’t worth being mad. If I’m going to be all addicted and shit, might as well feel motherfucking good while being it. You know?”

Terezi’s eyeing the Faygo bottle sadly, “Yeah, I get it, I guess. Kind of.”

“Drink it if you want it, sis,” the troll says, watching her, “You know I don’t motherfucking care. Wicked elixir is for everyone and anyone.”

Terezi frowns harder, and John vaguely remembers Karkat telling him not to mention that stuff to her. Something about something bad happening with Faygo. John wasn’t really paying attention to the specifics then, but he sure wishes he had now.

She twists the bottle open, but no fizzy sound comes out. Flat as fuck soda.

John starts getting pretty concerned. How can he get her out of this? Not really thinking, he tries pulling at Terezi’s arm, which does nothing. The other troll is watching her a little too keenly now. John starts whacking at horns, pie pans, anything to catch their attention. They only barely move and neither of the trolls in the room are paying attention.  

She’s starting to put the bottle to her lips.

Remembering the pies in the oven, John rushes down. Maybe he can start a fire? He thinks for a hot second, before he whips the flimsy oven door open instead. He pulls at the trays the pies sit on, and relief floods him when they move off their hinges. A loud smacking sound vibrates through the place when the slime-filled pie pans fall out onto the floor.

“MOtherFUCK!” The troll from upstairs yells. The older guy is already coming into the kitchen to investigate, and John is super unhappy to have to faze through the younger guy as they cross paths on the stairs. He really didn’t want to have that much intimate knowledge about what that particular person smelled like.

In the bedroom thing-place, Terezi is staring at the opposite wall with a wide look in her eyes. She’s already drank some off the top of the Faygo and she’s got a weird looking mark on her neck. But otherwise she looks fine.

A loud slapping sound comes from downstairs, and Terezi starts, getting up on her feet fast. She’s seemed to shake herself out of something. John’s never seen her look so… haggard. He follows her when she makes her way back downstairs, Faygo left by the pile.

The two strangers don’t even notice her slip out; the younger guy is yelling at the older one. Absolutely batshit.

Feeling protective after that, John puts his arm over Terezi’s shoulders. She’s huddled down on herself, heading back along to the campus.

*

One trip through fast food and a second lecture, and Terezi’s actually back at her dorm for once. It’s noisy, still early enough that people are walking around the commons. John grimaces as people faze through him.

Terezi makes a beeline to her dorm rooms, barely acknowledging anyone around her. When she’s safely locked away, she makes this really horrible face. No sound, she just slides down her bedroom door. John watches in horror as she starts crying. Violent streams of teal slide down her face and Terezi whips her glasses off her face in a huff. She breathes heavy as she huddles down on herself. John sits with her until she’s done.

John stays out of her business when she finally gets up. The sun is getting low in the sky, giving the room almost no light. Terezi doesn’t ever go to turn the lights on.

Waiting on her bed, John watches as Terezi starts pulling out binders. She pulls out a lot of papers, more binders, and she flips through pictures. Terezi doesn’t stop looking at the pictures until it’s absolutely pitch black out.

Eventually she goes to her desk to write something. Probably something for class.

John thinks while she’s busy. It is pretty fucked up that his job now to get into Heaven was to spy on someone for the rest of their life. Was there someone spying on him before? John blushes at the thought. They would’ve seen some weird things. Then he frowns. If he did have someone watching over him, they certainly didn’t do a very good job of it.

John thinks about that, and his future role in making sure Terezi gets to do her saint-business. It isn’t until much later that Terezi finally stops writing. Instead of getting ready for her recoopercoon, like John thought she was going to do, she pulls a bag out of her closet and heads back out. Quietly, John groans before he gets up to follow her.

*

Terezi’s walking with more purpose now than she has all day. It isn’t long before they’re heading out to the more rural parts of the campus. Woods surround the area, giving some creepy shadows to the road along the way. She doesn’t stop until she reaches a short bridge, crossing over a creek not more than ten feet below.

John notices that she hadn’t bothered to put her glasses back on.

Terezi’s hands shake as she takes her bag off her shoulders. John leans casually against the bridge’s concrete frame. Watching. She pulls out a long bit of rope.

Her hands are too skilled in the process of making a hangman’s noose. When she tries to tie the other end to the bridge John rushes to her side. He makes a small gust of breeze rush past them.

“Fuck shit,” Terezi’s eyes start to well up, “Get it together.” The rope doesn’t fall out of her hands.

This is beyond frustrating! John paces the bridge, building up a breeze. How could she be so stupid! He knew she was always kind of into this noose stuff. She used to creep him out when they were younger. But this isn’t doll play, it couldn’t be? Angry and confused, John watches as Terezi secures the noose to the bridge. Wind blows her hair all around and teal tears are running down her face again.

Terezi falls back to sit down on the road, face pointed up at the sky.

“The fuck, John, I can still smell you? Everywhere I go, I remember you.” John stops pacing, shocked. The breeze dies down, making Terezi laugh in relief, “Why you? Everyone else I’ve lost… nothing’s been as hard as this. Don’t get me wrong, you were cool. But… why you? Why not…”

 “Fuck,” She laughs and leans back on her hands to talk to the sky directly, “You’re gone. Vriska’s gone. Tavros, Aradia… Gamzee’s basically gone. Jade. What’s even the point? Is everyone we knew meant to die?” She lets out a huff, “ _You_ died. I can’t believe it, yet there you were. Human blood everywhere. What would you say if you were here now…?”

Slowly, John moves to sit on his heels beside Terezi. A breeze blows with him, moving the noose away. It falls over the bridge, empty.  

Terezi takes a deep breath, tears filling her eyes.

“Maybe Karkat was right. I wasted so much time with Gamzee. When I should have been with you.” John and Terezi sit there for a moment. The breeze blows gently through Terezi’s hair. Not sure what to think anymore, John stares blankly at the rope still tied to the bridge.

Terezi groans, rubbing her face, “This is infuriating. I can’t sleep there, I can’t even find peace here! You’re smell is _every_ where!” Getting up quickly, Terezi goes to lean over the railing of the bridge and then screams.

*

Even after Terezi leaves the bridge, John sticks around there for the rest of the night. He has a lot to think about. And at this point, he thinks his presence has been more harmful to her than helpful.

It feels like the bravest decision he’s ever made, to let her go back alone, but it could easily be the worst. All the same.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to write more based off this premise, but anyone that came here from my tumblr knows I have another project that requires a lot more of my time.  
> Maybe I'll come back to this later. 
> 
> Hope you liked this little fic and if you did don't be shy to leave a kudos and comment!  
> Thanks for reading <3


End file.
